For May 5th, 2002
Happy Cinco De Mayo!
Jenny
Jenny is a Crimpshrine-loving pirate lass, which makes her damned well punk enough for us! She has 200 expressions of disgust, but she favors you with only one (she favored us with no less than six when we asked her to be Hotpunkgirl of the Week, but she conceded when we promised to give her a keg of rum and a side of salted pork in return). When she's not tooling around on the seven seas in her tricked-out, convertible galleon in search of booty, she's downloading scads of vintage erotica from the treasure caches of several world powers (including The Vatican, no less).
Her career in high-seas hijinx was foretold when, at age three, she drove her grandparents' car through the garage door. When they tried to scold her, she responded with a brash, "What of it? Your boat's next on my list, oldies!"
And it was!
Jenny sometimes returns to home port to mend sails, repair cannon holes blasted in the side of her galleon by enemy gunfire, and gamble away her ill-gotten loot in the mumblypeg sessions and drinking contests that keep the dock taverns alive all night long. Most likely, though, you'll probably meet her on the wrong side of some south pacific island chain. By that point, you'll be totally fucked. Might as well beg for mercy and hope she'll take you into her motley crew (not to be confused with Mötley Crüe, whitey), because death at her hands is never quick or painless. She once keel-hauled a man for snoring too loudly. There's no telling what form her sadistic method of execution will take, so pray to Neptune she'll spare your unworthy hide, scurvy landlubber!
Or just visit her
journal page and attempt to placate her with niceties before it's too late!
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