For June 2nd, 2003

Zira

All gussied-up and nowhere (but the Forbidden Zone) to go.

Zira in one of her earlier films, "Ape Females Behind Monkey Bars"

When hunky Hollywood legend and heat-packing NRA president Chuck Heston invited Zira to pull his trigger, she slapped him, scolding, "I'm NOT that kind of ape!" Nevertheless, the two became better acquainted over the next few weeks, and their torrid love affair raised the eyebrows of more than a few tabloid paparazzi. Here, the swooning couple is seen smooching it up at the Brown Derby in 1971.

Defying strict edicts by the Ape High Council in the name of science and loyalty to her talking human friend Taylor, saucy chimp genius Zira is this week's Hotpunkgirl!

Though she detests bananas, Zira adores the occasional ride in a motorcar and long walks on the irradiated beaches of The Forbidden Zone with her fiance Cornelius.

Rocking out to her favorite musical acts like APE HAS KILLED APE, THE MONKEES, ORANGUTANG, GORILLA BISCUITS, CHIMP, and any band that features Choke from SLAPSHOT, Zira's been known to knock knuckles with big, tough ape generals and skinheads alike in the slam pit when they've gotten in her way.

"Sure, I could blind 'em with science like that clever human Thomas Dolby recommends," the smirking simian says, "but sometimes it just feels good to cold-cock some motherfucker, know what I'm sayin'?"

We nod in agreement, because her boss Dr. Zaius doesn't know we can talk. The last human journalist that made the mistake of unnecessary chatter with the orangutan doctor had his frontal lobes removed (though we heard he returned to his duties as a Fox News anchor in a couple of weeks and no one really noticed anything awry).

We conclude our interview with a goodbye kiss, even though Zira concedes that we're "so damned ugly."

Well! we never! Damned dirty apes!

Looking for more hot, punk girls? Click here!


BlueBlood Banner Exchange
Archives
Main Menu
Links