For June 9th, 2003
Faith Destroys
Soon to be twenty-one, Faith Destroys is looking forward to the bacchanalian festivities her birthday (June 20th, hint, hint) will herald. The shimmering cascade of empty, green bottles of Mickey's Big Mouth that'll tumble forth from her overflowing garbage can the morning after promises for a startling awakening and the stirring call to arms heard by the hung over, worldwide: MORE BEER!
Her jade green eyes might be a little bloodshot prior to full recovery, but she'll win a staring contest with the best of 'em. Try your luck? Dolph Lundgren said it best to Sylvester Stallone in Rocky IV (albeit with an eerie, robot-like delivery): "You will lose."
When she's not excitedly anticipating her upcoming birthday and wondering what it is that you're going to get her, Faith is an expert craftswoman of fine graphic arts. Even though she lives behind an evergreen-shrouded waterfall in the ever-misty land of Oregon, there's a band on the other side of the continent who think highly enough of her work to hire her for their design needs. Sure, they've got to approach her forest lair with caution (sasquatches abound!) and spin three times around while uttering secret pass phrases that change with every new moon, but to them, it's all worth going the extra mile. She's that good!
Faith plans on getting her piercing license, moving in with her guy (who's a tattoo artist) and opening a shop at some point. Be on the lookout!
Ms. Destroys enjoys a wide array of musical mayhem. From the rocket-speed, old-time churnings of hardcore maestros like The Misfits, Black Flag, The Dead Kennedys, The Subhumans, and The Germs to the classic punk sounds of The Sex Pistols to the deathrock angst of Christian Death to the glittery ditties of David Bowie. It just goes to show that you don't have to be old to enjoy old school punk rock, no siree!
If you'd like to know a little more about Faith Destroys, then have a look-see over at her website. Drop her a line, but don't be a dumb ass about it. She's tired of being AIMed by clueless teenagers in need of a hormone adjustment. If you find yourself introducing yourself to pretty girls on the Internet with the ever-popular "a/s/l?" or "UR HOTTT!" then she will not suffer your foolishness gladly, punk. Wishing her a happy birthday and buying her something from her wish list might earn you brownie points, however (but you didn't hear it from me)!
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