For August 18th, 2003
Lynette
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New York City-born, Boston-educated, Colorado-distracted, and Los Angeles-living Lynette's been here and there. Possibly because of her status as a bona fide child prodigy (she began kindergarten at age three and ballet classes shortly thereafter), an early start ensured that this dame could adapt to any surroundings and make them work for her. Perhaps her tough, half-French, half-Irish genetic heritage has given her the superhuman ability to weather any storm.
Childhood obsessions ranged from Italian Ice to drawing boobs on the garage floor. Nowadays, she assists her PhD-granted cat Zoe whenever there's an illness in the house.
"She's just a hairy doctor!" proclaims Lynette while tending to the healthcare needs of her sick swain Lawrence. Zoe sends forth soothing waves of purr, a proven remedy against even the nastiest of ailments.
Lynette spent seven years as a dancer for the Boston Ballet, five years with the Hyde Park Musical Theatre, and received a BA for Theatre and Drama, but her ambitions eventually led her to Los Angeles in pursuit of a film acting career. Variably hitchhiking and rollerskating across the continent, Lynette landed in Hollywood just in time to audition for the role of Elly May in the cinematic version of television rerun staple The Beverly Hillbillies. Thankfully, she was rejected on the basis of not being "blonde enough."
On the politics of acting in Hollywood, Lynette says, "It sucks. Or, at least that's what's required to actually do it, talent or not."
For now, she's content enough in her role as an Artist Representative/Producer for a well-renowned fashion photographer -- a job which involves no sucking of any kind.
How punk is Lynette? She once somersaulted over the slam pit at a Black Flag show so she could steal guitarist Greg Ginn's set list (it was the only piece of paper she saw available and she needed it to write down a recipe for oatmeal cookies some lager-swilling skinhead at the bar was offering). A few years later at a Slapshot show, she gave Choke a knuckle sandwich for trying to push her aside on his way to the ladies room (he later apologized and baked her a scrumptious pan of his famous apple dumplings).
Alas, Lynette must cut our interview short as she's got a date to go skydiving with her devoted love (the aforementioned Lawrence, so don't go getting any funny notions, punk) and his daughter, the young but ever-adventurous Courtney. Any parting words for our studio audience, Lady Lynette?
"Rock out with your cock out!" says Lynette, "alternately, I guess, if you're a broad like me, jam out with your clam out!"
Forsooth!
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