For November 24th, 2002
Kartoffel
Rich in potassium and numerous vitamins and minerals, the potato is a hardy, cholestorol-free comestible capable of sustaining vast populations (barring incidents of Phytophthora infestans, of course). Some, however, see the potato as being far more than a friendly foodstuff to be diced, fried, mashed, or baked, oh, yes! Some see the potato as a bonafide companion of comfort to cherish lovingly and with the decency long-afforded household pets like cats, dogs, and wombats.
"Cuddle, don't culinate!" Kartoffel implores, "Please don't eat my friends!"
When told that "culinate" isn't actually a real word, Kartoffel lets us have it.
"Screw you, fucker. I'm a college graduate and I've got a degree that allows me to make shit up whenever I feel like it. You want a baccalaureate butt-kicking, or are you going to write my bio?"
Fair enough!
When not hibernating
in her own private Idaho, Kartoffel enjoys DJing at local
speakeasies (with musical tastes that encompass the spectrum from '80s to
shoegazer to Synth-pop to Classical to Middle Eastern to old school Punk and
Rap), ensnaring attractive males into her web of impending doom, keepin' her
bitches in the riches, hop-scotch, collecting potato-related toys, eating sushi, collecting LPs, and womanizing.
Other things that vie for her attention include burlesque, high heels, stockings, corsets, boobs, B&D and S&M, animation, and strange musical instruments like the gazebo accordionsichord. She once got busy with a fire hydrant on Hollywood Boulevard, and has been known to show up at parties in her pajamas carrying a plastic bucket.
For more Kartoffel fun (and she is more fun than you can probably handle, punk!), click on the banner directly below or here (if you're super lazy) to visit her very own site. Better yet, drop her an email and give her advice on how to FIGHT THE POWER (Verizon is sticking her with an enormous phone bill not of her making, which is a bunch of fucking bullshit, man)!
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